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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Today I am reminded of Amy. She had been working with the company for 7 years when I joined them. She was one of my staff whose potentials I found worthy of promotion. So when an opportunity came, I promoted her to a supervisory position. She accepted it with much joy but months later she came to my office to share her anxieties about her new job. I shared with her tips on how to overcome these feelings and I could see her trying her best to apply them. She stopped coming and as months went on, I could see her performing to the delight of her immediate superiors.

Then one day after almost 5 years, she came asking me to transfer her to a lighter job because she felt pressured with the demands of having a new boss. I adviced her to allow adjustments to set in and she agreed. Months later, she came back and I could see that she was more anxious than her last visit. Her reason was still the same. So I called HR to look for a possible new assignment and informed her to come back to me after a week. She came back but didn't get to talk to me because I was on sick leave. When I got back two days later, I asked my secretary to call her in but was told that she didn't come to work that day. While having lunch, the Emergency Room staff called me to say that Amy was being resuscitated by the team because she was found by her eldest son hanging in her bedroom. After more than an hour, they declared her dead.

Up to this time, I can't help but ask myself, will she be dead if she was able to see me that day I asked her to come? I know that only God knows the answer but this question keeps popping into my mind whenever I think of her. Since Amy is celebrating her 5th death anniversary today I thought about it again. I decided to talk openly about it this time because I believe it can produce emotional release and even joy. This is what I call the "Ministry of Remembering."

Our chaplain once said, if a departed person comes to mind, don't put it off. PRAY, it may be the most important thing you do today. A mass will be said in her memory and I hope this will help in easing the burden.
1:25 AM | Permalink |


  • At 2/20/2006 11:25 AM, Blogger rebecca

    wow. i had a similar experience once, and it's very close to this time of year, too.

    a friend of mine had been trying to ring me, and ring me. tried getting me on the internet, but, i was in Sydney. having a good old time with a friend.

    so my friend turned to his newly ex gf and told her that he was depressed. she returned with, "go and kill yourself then!"

    he did. he hung himself.

    i just think, if only i had have been able to talk to him, would he still be alive?

    thanks for commenting on my blog.

    hugs and best wishes to you!

  • At 2/20/2006 11:31 AM, Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills

    This is such a poignant and heartfelt post...I can only imagine how this haunts you...the If, If, If of it all...
    Did you ever find out what else was going on in her life at that time?
    I dearly hope you will be able to 'Let Go, Let God' time...

    Thanks so much for coking to my blog...I apprexciate it very very much.

  • At 2/20/2006 12:59 PM, Anonymous chelle

    wow...what a heartfelt post! How very sad, for you, the woman and her family. You were so supportive of her!
    thanks for coming by my blog..I love discovering new blogging buddies!! (or being discovered!)

  • At 2/20/2006 5:22 PM, Blogger Scouser

    Hi, just a quick note to say Michele sent me.

  • At 2/20/2006 6:21 PM, Blogger Daydreamer of Oz

    You mustn't blame yourself. As oldladyofthehills (I feel very rude saying that) said, I would imagine it was other things going on in her life & they were probably much worse than the work situation. Also, I'm sure she appreciated all of the effort you put into helping her.

  • At 2/20/2006 6:55 PM, Blogger Yara

    I think it's something that always will stay popping in your mind, but that just means you really cared about her and that you feel responsible for the bad luck she had.

    I think you're not the reason why she felt so down that she felt she had no other choice then kill herself.

    To me you seem as a really nice person, so in my eyes you're not to blame for this situation.

  • At 2/20/2006 8:18 PM, Blogger Lazy Daisy

    Wow, I'm so sorry for your loss. You seem to be a very caring person so I'm sure you will have remorse. I would use this "minisstry of remembering" to continue to pray for Amy's family and those that knew her.

    Rememeber we all have choices. You did not drive her to make a bad choice.

    Keeping you in my prayers today.

  • At 2/20/2006 8:57 PM, Blogger Malinda777

    Dear Viamarie:

    Know this. All things happen for a reason. It's not until years later sometimes we realize that reason. Read this past post of mine that relates.

    It is a known fact that 95% of people that "attempt suicide" do it for attention and do it in a way that leaves a door open for someone to save them.

    Sadly, some people take that route in sincerity. I've been there too where people I knew tried it or did it. No matter what you did would have changed that day. This person was on a down hill spiral that took her to the end. If you would have solved her temporary complaint, something else would have been the cause. Many things went into her decision.

    She is in heaven now, and an angel for others. Make peace of the tragedy, and know that you were not the cause.

    As for Amy, her peace is finally in heaven where she is.

  • At 2/20/2006 9:21 PM, Blogger Pooch

    God's mercy covers all of all seasons. May you find comfort in His promise.

    I wanted to visit your blog after reading your lovely comment on mine.

    Be blessed.


  • At 2/20/2006 9:51 PM, Blogger FRIDAY'S CHILD

    Have you ever thought that if you were available at the time she needed you, do you think she would not do the same thing? Maybe not on the day she talked to you but how about the coming days. You can't be forever with her. She needed professional help then. Anyway, may her soul rest in peace.

  • At 2/20/2006 10:04 PM, Blogger Stitches77

    This is a very touching story.
    I know that you don't feel responsible for Amy's actions, but what haunts you is the idea that perhaps you could have prevented this outcome, had you only said this or had you only done that.
    But, that's also one of the collateral damages of suicide. All the ones left behind, and the unanswered questions that there will never be an answer to.
    It seems you tried to help her appropriately. How were you to know?

    I'm a nurse, and in 20 years of critical care nursing, there's hardly been a week gone by, that I didn't have at least one patient that had attempted suicide. And in those 20 years there's only been a handful that actually died. For the most part, they are people who are trying to manipulate someone. The people who are really serious about it are successful.

    I hope you find peace about this issue.

  • At 2/21/2006 1:26 AM, Blogger Denny Shane

    NO... it is in no way your fault or even close to it. This woman was heading in that direction.

    For all you know she wanted to see you to tell you she was leaving the company... which she kind of did do.

    Don't beat yourself up over this... you tried to help the best way you could...

  • At 2/21/2006 4:42 AM, Blogger bozette

    thank you for stopping by I will add you to my blog bookmarks

  • At 2/21/2006 6:50 AM, Blogger Connie and Rob


    I am so sorry for your loss. Your compassion makes it easy for this to run over and over in your mind but she was very ill. She probably had more going on than just at work.

    I am sure she appreciates your prayers today. She is in God's hands now. She is at peace so you may also finally have some.

    hugs to you and take care,

  • At 2/21/2006 7:08 AM, Blogger The Mistress of the Dark

    That's so horrible. I feel for you and her family. Those situations always make the survivors wondering what if.

    I uploaded the song for you on my blog :) Thanks for linking me and I'll add you to my dailies list as well.


  • At 2/21/2006 10:41 AM, Blogger jennypenny

    Oh what a horrible and tragic thing to happen. Suicide really has to be one of the hardest things to deal with for those left behind. I know so many families including my own that have had such unexplainable devestations. As you say, the only thing we can really do is pray. It does no good to dwell or wonder what if. We just have to let go and remember all the things we loved so much about that person.

  • At 2/21/2006 12:21 PM, Blogger Chrixean

    This story brings to mind that fateful day when Ronsky was killed on his way home from our office. Since he rode with me practically everyday, it had to happen that he would get murdered on the night that he couldn't hitch a ride with me due to meetings I had after work. The "what if's" lingered on my mind for the longest time. But all these are just out of our control. In your case, it was a CHOICE she made. A choice that you had nothing to do with. With me, it was just his time. We will just have to let go of the "what if's" and let God heal us of this sad memory.

  • At 2/22/2006 12:13 AM, Anonymous mar

    I am so sorry about this happening to you. My classmate's daughter commited suicide at age 16. I learned this at a class reunion, I never met the girl... and one of my husband's friends at age 20 or so. He still thinks of her. I too hope you find peace through remembering...

  • At 2/22/2006 9:12 PM, Blogger angela marie

    That is a tragedy. Of course, as caring human beings, we wonder if it was something we did (or didn't do) but there are bigger answers than that. Thanks for visiting my blog and I will be back to yours.

  • At 2/23/2006 12:18 AM, Blogger Paige

    I feel for you & understand. This is something caring people sometimes have to deal with. I had a nephew that used a shotgun. You are smart & know that you could have done nothing, except maybe delay what she was going to do sooner or later. Look at the disciples of Jesus, they too had to come to grips with self inflicted bodily death. Remember all can be forgiven. That means it is ok to forgive yourself too. You could not have stopped it.

  • At 2/23/2006 4:49 AM, Blogger Trinity13

    What a tragedy...and in no way your fault! But I'm glad you shared must feel good to get it off your blogging chest.

  • At 2/24/2006 3:53 PM, Blogger Petite Queen

    Thats a really sad post.May god bless her soul.