While we all want to feel needed, there comes a time when you have to stop doing for others and let others learn to care for themselves. This doesn't mean you are abdicating your role as a caretaker. It means you are giving your family a great gift - the ability to responsibly care for themselves.
Think about it. For the house alone, you are probably responsible for doing, arranging for, or coordinating over 30 activities: arranging for babysitters, bathing children, buying clothes for kids & spouse, cleaning rooms, cooking, disciplining, dishwashing, driving kids to school, dusting, feeding family, feeding pets, gardening, going to dry cleaners, grocery shopping, helping the kids with schoolwork, keeping medical & financial records, keeping tabs on items running low, laundering, managing finances, paying bills, picking up after the family, planning menus, organizing children's play, ordering catalog items, scrubbing floors, scrubbing windows, sorting and opening mail, vacuuming, washing cars, watering plants, etc.
Reading this list has probably left you out of breath. Paula Peisiner Coxe, in her book Finding Time, shares some ways you can breathe easy and help your family to help themselves:
Store individual-size snack foods where your kids can get them, so you do not always have to prepare snacks from scratch.
Keep a chalkboard or hanging pad of paper in a regular place for eveyrone to write down items that are running low, that they need to buy, or that need to be fixed. Check the list before you run errands or go grocery shopping.
Designate a spot where each family member can place dirty laundry. Have them put their own clothing in the hamper.
Store kitchen items in a designated place so time is not wasted searching for misplaced items.
Have a weekly or monthly calendar set up in a clear view (perhaps by the refrigerator) where each family member can look to see what chore he or she has to do...set the table, empty trash, wash dishes, do laundry. Divide tasks fairly, allowing each member to do what he or she prefers, when possible.
Trade off cooking nights with your husband and older children.
Set aside for a group meeting with family members to discuss how to solve common problems.
Make a regular time each week to compare calendars with your spouse and kids and coordinate activities.
Allowing your family to take care of themselves gives you time to take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty about this. You deserve some nurturing. After all, if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will. You're worth it.
Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself
and know that everything in this life has a purpose.
There are no mistakes, no coincidences.
All events are blessings given to us to learn from.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
