This morning I woke up rather very early. Four o'clock is too early for me and as I got up, I I didn't feel good. I didn’t feel like going to work though I know that I had a lot of things lined up for the day at the office. I just didn't want to do anything that resembled responsible behavior. It was that kind of day.
As I ate my breakfast, I thought I felt a headache coming on. Yes, there it was a dull throb just behind my eyes. Maybe I should go back to bed until it subsided. I then felt my muscles ache as I stood up from the table. Or was the ache in my joints? That could mean I was still not well from the flu which hit me last week. I absolutely should be in bed.
I decided to go back to bed and stay under the covers and shut my eyes. I thought another couple of hours of sleep would be so nice. Tried to sleep only I was now completely awake. I ought to get up. But no, there was that headache. I reached out to the magazine I had bought yesterday but had no time to read. I opened it and settled against the pillows.
The sun was now up and I still was feeling the same. I had around ten pages more to read and I was stretching. I should at least get up and water the plants. What if I was contagious? I certainly didn't want to spread any germs. The watering could wait. The plants will not wither without water for just one day.
No, I no longer have the flu. I didn't really want to be sick. To be truthful, all I wanted was a little time off. I needed to be away from people, career and the outside world. Did I have to wait to be sick to do that? I remember that being sick was how as a child I would get a respite from school or family chores. But I wasn't a child any more. Did I have to manufacture symptoms to provide myself with an excuse? No, I decided, I didn't.
I talked to myself. Okay, I said, you need a day off. Admit it. Accept it. Toss out the guilt and enjoy a mini-vacation. What would you like to do? Read? You're already doing that. Pamper yourself? Take a hot bath. Be a hermit? Let the machine answer the phone.
I then went to the bathroom and poured half the bottle of bath gel into the streaming water and added a hearty handful of chamomile bath salts. Then I lit a vanilla-scented candle. With a grateful sigh, I had a homemade spa. I heard the phone ring somewhere off in the distance and smiled.
Funny how the aches subsided in the heat of the tub. They just slipped away with the last of the bubbles down the drain. My head felt just fine, the throb replaced by a sense of well-being.
It's 2 pm and I am at work. I feel refreshed physically, mentally and emotionally. And rather than feeling helpless, I now feel empowered. Maybe because I had given myself permission to listen and respond to my needs, to care for myself the way I tended to my family. I didn't need the crutch of illness to justify a rest. It was such a simple awareness, but then isn't it the simple things that set us free?
